A Letter from Alice Miller
February 2000
To: An open letter to all responsible politicians.
From: Alice
Miller, psychoanalyst, researcher and author of nine
books concerning the influence of childhood on the adult's life and
on society as a whole
According to recent newspaper reports, the British Government is planning
to adopt in March 2000 legislation that would forbid parents beating their
children with implements and on the head, but otherwise would allow smacking
and slapping them without any limits of age. This information urges me to
write you this letter because hitting children has serious political consequences,
although these consequences are rarely recognized.
At the dawn of the new millennium, probably no one will claim that we should
maltreat or humiliate our children. But almost everybody still seems to
recommend spanking as an effective and harmless means of raising them.
The widely represented idea that you can "teach children the difference
between right and wrong" by spanking them is as old as our culture
but is nevertheless highly misleading, as new research proves. Hitting children
is always a humiliation and a practice of slavery. It is also educationally
ineffective because it induces fear - and nobody can learn an appropriate
behavior in a state of fear.
However, children learn from examples. Thus, when we spank them, we teach
them exactly what we don't want to teach: we teach them violence, ignorance,
and hypocrisy. They learn quickly to do the same as we once did: first to
submit to the more powerful person, to obey out of fear, and to hide the
pain of being humiliated. Then, about 20 years later, they cover their own
weakness with violence, are unable to act peacefully, and maintain that
smacking children is the right thing to do. They resist all logical arguments
by calling them "coddling", and go on to spank their own children
(or to hurt themselves) without a second's thought, and without the slightest
remorse. Their effort not to feel the suffering of their own childhood hinders
them from recognizing that spanking children in every age is a humiliation
- unless a new law that would clearly forbid parents to spank their children
in any way will open their eyes.
If you ask grownup people why they were spanked in their childhood they
will say something like: "I was a naughty boy or girl and drove my
parents crazy, they were really overloaded by the way I was". These
people may rarely recall any concrete incidents or constructive lessons
because they were too scared to learn them. But now, against any logical
way of thinking, they expect to teach their three-year-olds lessons by hitting
them. Unfortunately, many politicians of the most powerful countries succumb
to this error. They do reject slavery in theory but they still do not realize
that children must absolutely be protected by law.
Our parents and grandparents are not to blame for having passed on to us
misleading messages because, at that time, they had no better information
at their disposal. But we do have them today. We can't claim the same innocence
when the next generation blames us for having rejected information that
was available to us and was easy to understand. Parents of today can no
longer claim the unlimited freedom to be ignorant nor can a responsible
government do it. It must take into account the most recent scientific discoveries.
Damages in the brain structure of beaten children can already be seen on
the screens of computers. Violence to children produces a violent and ill
society. True authority dismisses humiliation. Its discipline is based on
listening and talking, on trust, respect and protection of the weaker. It
gives children the assistance they need to become responsible adults who
will not turn to vengeful actions like wars and dictatorships, because they
will simply return to others what they once received and what they learned
by example: protection and respect.
Alice Miller, Virago Press, London
Return to the Alice
Miller webpage