| correcting/arguing | "That's not how it happened." | "I didn't start this, you did." | "Excuse me? I never said that!" | |
| interrogating | "How did it happen?" | "When did this begin?" | "Why did you do this?" | |
| fixing it | "What will help is..." | "If I were you, I would..." | "Why don't you try...?" | |
| advising | "I think you should..." | "There is a wonderful self-help book...." | "I know what you can do..." | |
| explaining | "She said that only because..." | "I would have called but..." | "I think..." | |
| shutting down | "Don't worry about it." | "Cheer up. Don't be mad." | "Quit complaining." | |
| consoling | "It wasn't your fault." | "You did the best you could" | "It could have been a lot worse" | |
| commiserating | "He did that to you? What a jerk!" | "How can people do that." | "Let's have a drink together." | |
| evaluating | "If you hadn't been so rude..." | "What's wrong with you!" | "She's taking advantage of you." | |
| sympathizing | "Oh, you poor thing." | "I feel awful for you." | "What a shame." | .|
| one-upping | "You should hear what happened to..." | "That's nothing. Listen to this!" | ||
| story telling | "That reminds me of the time..." | "I know how you feel. Yesterday, I was walking..." | ||
| educating | "You can learn from this." | |||
| taking blame | "I'm sorry, I should have..." | |||
adapted from lists by Lucy Leu and Holley Humphrey
Other links:
Discouraging words: Life-alienating Communication
Empathic Listening by Holley Humphrey
Back to Empathy and Surfing
Last updated 30 November 2007
Duen Hsi Yen
E-mail: yen@noogenesis.com