Connecting Empathically with Others

The essence of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) begins with me honestly expressing how I am without blame or criticism. In connecting compassionately with others, we modify the basic model as follows:

When I see (hear) _______________,
Are you feeling ___________
because you are needing (wanting) ________________.
Is there anything you would like to request of me? _________________.

The four blanks are filled in with observations, feelings, needs and requests, defined as follows:


The concrete actions I am observing (seeing, hearing, remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to my well-being: "When I see ( hear, remember, imagine)..."


How are you feeling in relation to these actions "Are you feeling..."


Your needs (wants, hopes, desires, wishes, expectations, thoughts or values) causing my feelings: "because you are needing (wanting, hoping, desiring, wishing, expecting, thinking, valuing)..."


Offering without any expectations of return, that which would contribute immediately to another's well-being:
"and is there anything you would like to request of me ..."


Extending the NVC Model:


Last updated 10 May 2007

Copyright © 2007 by Duen Hsi Yen, All rights reserved.