Connecting Empathically with Ourselves

The essence of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) begins with me honestly expressing how I am without blame or criticism. In connecting empathically with ourselves, we only need to modify the request portion of the basic model:

When I see (hear) _______________,
I feel ___________
because I am needing (wanting) ________________.
I now would like to request of myself _________________.

The four blanks are filled in with observations, feelings, needs and requests, defined as follows:


The concrete actions I am observing (seeing, hearing, remembering, imagining) that are contributing (or not contributing) to my well-being: "When I see ( hear, remember, imagine)..."


How I am feeling in relation to these actions "I feel..."


My needs (wants, hopes, desires, wishes, expectations, thoughts or values) causing my feelings: "because I am needing (wanting, hoping, desiring, wishing, expecting, thinking, valuing)..."


Clearly requesting concrete (doable) actions that would contribute immediately to my well-being (without demand or coercion):
"and I would like to do for myself..."


Extending the NVC Model:

Self-connection meditative exercise
Connecting Empathically with Others
Basic Model of NVC

Last updated 25 September 2006

Copyright © 2006 by Duen Hsi Yen, All rights reserved.