Making Requests

Marshall Rosenberg is fond of saying:

"Please do as I request, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry duck."
(Listen to him say this on this .mp3 audio file)

In the case of the first four videos (which I made) I could restate this as:
"Please do as I request, only if you can do so with the joy of a little child feeding a hungry goose/a school of hungry fish/a pair of birds/a flock of birds!"

Rosenberg further clarifies the meaning of a request (also on the .mp3 file):

I like to remember these guidelines using the word "FOG." In other words, don't do anything out of fear, obligation or guilt, or you are going to be living life in a fog!

There is a difference between a request and a demand.

A request...

Marshall Rosenberg tells a story about how his children taught him invaluable lessons on demands:

quoted from page 22 of his book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life . The fundamental need that everyone has is for freedom, autonomy and choice. I see this as the basic motivating force behind all human endeavor, to attain this, for ourselves and for others. All wars are about autonomy.

Expressing requests compassionately (3 kinds):

1. a request for connection/feedback:

2. a request for action, for making life more wonderful:

3. a request for clarity (guessing request): (which is similar to Rudolf Dreikur's "could it be" strategy which I have previously written about.)

Would you like me to ...?

  • Would you like to hear me ...?
  • Would you like me to summarize?
  • Would you like to hear my opinion ...?

    Receiving requests compassionately

    Back to Basic NVC Model
    Compassionate Communication by Marshall Rosenberg
    Observations and Requests .pdf handout by Gregg Kendrick, certified NVC trainer, (Basileia LLC).
    Connecting Empathically with Others
    Connecting Empathically with Ourselves
    Empathy and Surfing
    Last updated 18 December 2007

    Copyright © 2006-7 by Duen Hsi Yen, All rights reserved.